Monday, 21 January 2013

Will she act on her interest?

I know one commonly preached advice in the dating advice industry is that you should aim to max one self out in terms of say, physique, looks, style, conversation skills, lifestyle etc. in order to improve your dating life. While the advice is valid, I am going to tell you in this post that beyond a basic level, assuming you have modest guy goals of having a decent dating life (and not to say bang Maxim cover models, or fuck 100 chicks etc ), all this shit won't help you much. If you have a done a basic job of all these items and are still not getting anywhere with women, the problem is very likely got nothing to do with you and primarily with your environment and the chicks around you. Let me explain a bit more.

Think about the last time you went to a shopping mall or a bar or some activity or even just spent a day around walking or something. How many women were there which you think you would be reasonably happy to have sex with? If you live in a decently large city, my guess is that there were many many such chicks. Now while I am not a woman, my guess is that primarily it is pretty much the same with women. That they too see many many guys who they would be more than happy to have sex with. However, they don't actually do it. So basically if you are meeting even a somewhat reasonable number of women in your life, the issue is not really about attraction. The issue is whether she will act on her attraction.

Let me give you a few examples. So just a few days ago, I was chatting with this girl on Facebook. She was saying that she broke up with this guy. I tell her that to her mind off things, it might be a good idea to find another guy. One thing leads to another, she proposes a casual no string attached relationship. I am like okay. We decide to meet up the next day for drinks. The next day she cancels a few hours before giving some lame ass excuse. This girl has done the same once before as well. I know she likes me a lot. The problem however is her own fucked up head. For whatever reasons which is beyond me, she just won't commit to having sex with me.

Another example. I am at this event talking to a girl. She is showing mad interest in me. She is touching me constantly on my shoulders, things, forearms etc.. Sitting next to me with our thighs touching when there is ample space for her to move into. All this while I don't touch her once. Then I look at her in a clear sexual way put my arms around her shoulder. She freaks out and leaves.

I am sure all of you have had similar experiences. The thing here is not whether she likes you or not (almost certainly she does). The question really comes down to whether she is willing to act on it or not. This is where other shit like socio-cultural programming, childhood experiences, peer pressure all come into play.

This aspect is also interesting to me because I travel a bit. I remember the first time I met a girl in a bar in New York and literally after talking to her for like 20 seconds, I took her arm and pulled to the other side of the room. She happily followed. I was literally shocked because this would never happen in my country. A girl would just never be so trusting of a random guy. I felt something similar when the first time I met a girl for like 2 mins I had to leave with friends to another bar and when I told her to come, she came along. Or when a girl agreed for a date after chatting with me for 10 mins.

The me in different situations doesn't change. Only change is the girl in question. Some more happily act on their interest. Others don't. So naturally when you are in an environment or with girls who will happily act on their interest, things will naturally move along much faster and much farther, compared to other cases. This is also why you find that girls on vacation are much easier. It's simply that when they like a guy, they are much more willing to actually carry through with it. Or girls are much sluttier in college. Simply because it is socially acceptable to fuck random dudes. It's not that they rarely meet fuckable guys later.Or that married women are easier.

Even within the same city, some environments are much more open than others. I have some gay friends and they took me to a gay party once. I literally saw a whole bunch of people of guys pulling other guys into bathrooms when frankly, it's something I have very rarely seen otherwise in my country. Everyone was also very friends and talking to each other whereas in most bars here, people stick to their own groups. I have also seen that in general that girls who work in the entertainment or fashion industry are more open than the average girls.

Anyway, my take home point is this - if you are a guy who has done at least some basic level of work on his foundations and are still not getting much in terms of women, the reason almost certainly is not you. Yes you can work even more on that physique, buy even fancier clothing, escalate even faster and more aggressively and what not, but most likely, things are not going to change much. However, if you instead met a bunch of girls or were in an environment where things move much more easily, the same you will have drastically different success. So basically, don't beat yourself over girls, especially if you are a guy who has some basics handled but still don't get much

22 comments:

  1. Though this post might not have much to do with this article. I commend you on your book. Especially on the part about "it's ok to be rejected". I studied PUA and seduction, I would keep on approaching and getting nowhere with women. Though since we're all told that PUA is this epic journey where you struggle, and face brutal rejections. Eventually things "click" and you bang FHM models and thousands of other women. Thankfully, I've realized all this was bulls***. I find looking at PUA and seduction stuff to be excruciating. The issue I'm having now is that I have no social life(due to work), and I have some remnants of the stupid PUA crap I was taught. Like you're supposed to stand or look a certain way to convey confidence. Or the most common issue, you first approach the girl, then you qualify her, and until you get to hear something interesting from her then you ask for the number. It's still there, and I just would like to know what did you do to melt the terrible PUA habits.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean. I wish I had a better answer, but the simple truth is that it will take time. It will only happen slowly. I still catch myself periodically doing stupid PUA shit or analyzing the world through a PUA lens.

      Another important thing to do is to put yourself in company of other normal people who have nothing to do with PUA and actively disassociate from people who have anything to do with PUA.

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  2. What you describe here is the wisdom of knowing your market and how it might work against you. Though I started reading PUA about two years ago, with a skeptical eye, it did reinforce some thoughts I had about how women usually act and how the sexual marketplace differs from place to place.

    For example, how in conservative societies, it's better to go for the outliers in order to get more sex. The trick is to identify the outliers and work towards them, ignoring the others.

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  3. Hello, I am Dyone Pua, I live in Brazil.
    I also have a blog where I tell my whole story PUA.

    Congratulations on the blog and evolution.
    http://puadyone.blogspot.com.br/

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  4. That's it pretty much. The only "skill" one ever needs in order to get lays is the skill of getting the chick to "admit" or "act on" her pre-existing attraction.

    The game community isn't scamming you when they say there are skills to learn in order to pull a chick home. The LIE they tell you is that there is a skill to "creating attraction".

    All that a man can do, and does do, is persuading the chick to act on what she already wants to do, you can not create the desire, you can simply help her remove the objections, and create a smooth path toward the destination she already wants to be at (smoothly escalating between hello and taking off her bra)...

    BACK TO YOUR ENVIROMENT/NICHES POINT

    Isn't it freaking odd how the community promotes most the exact enviroment where women have the HARDEST time admitting interest/attraction?

    It's like, if you wanted to pick the by far most difficult context in which to get a chick to admit attraction, it would be the context that gamers push (random [unsolicited] stranger approaches). It's freaking bizzare and almost sado-masochistic in a way.

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  5. You know Alek, and this is a tangential point, the main problem I see with the "community" is that they have never had regular friends and just never seen and experienced how most regular people actually go about their dating lives.

    Maybe I am just in a good mood these days, but off-late I have not really been feeling angry, but kind of feel sorry for a lot of people in there. It's basically that no one has any clue in there and they just keep bringing up one garbage theory after another.

    I remember one of the main reasons, and I wrote briefly about this on my blog, that I got into this whole shit (and I was never someone who had massive anxiety or someone who had never had any friends etc.) was because I bought into this whole theory that approaching random strangers is better than building a social circle. And the biggest crap - that chicks actually prefer to fuck random strangers over guys they know well!

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  6. Are you big fat Johnny rock star? If so you are a big fat joke

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    Replies
    1. He already is, obviously a fag if he goes to fag parties.

      Delete
  7. This is true, sometimes a girl can give you all the green signals, text back straight away, dirty talk on the phone. But when it comes to the crunch she will flake on the date. It can be for many reasons, some of the reasons you covered, but also because they are seeing somebody else and are still indecisive about cheating on him for you.

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  8. Hey Johnny are you still updating this blog?

    100% agree with the article. It's up to the guy to follow up and take advantage when a girl gives you that signal. recommend all the followers check out some flirting strategies.

    http://how-to-ask-a-girl-out-on-a-date.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/How-to-Flirt-With-Women.html

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  9. PUA is dead and doesn't work! I have a new site and blog dedicated to the Direct Approach. If you want to be successful with women by being Direct, real & honest instead, without silly PUA techniques/tactics, please visit www.bedirectwithwomen.com and get your FREE Direct Aproach Ebook.

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  10. Any woman who runs the moment you begin to touch her like she's been touching you has only been testing you to see how many of your sex buttons she can push before she loses control over you.

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  11. I think the arm over the girl thing triggers what is similar to the 'commitment phobia' that women blame men for. There's also the fact that she is being held in one place, is not the one in control anymore, and is broadcasting to the room that she has something going on with you. Still, a whole lot of bollocks, and immature on her part.

    I think physique, though, is largely underestimated. Guys can get way, way bigger and see way, way better results.

    "Will she act on her interest" -- this was a really cool perspective I'm going to be mulling over for some time.

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  12. Uhmm as much as i like Johnny this article is not very useful at all... As alek was saying you fail to push things forward by having the women act on that attraction in other words convert them faster (which is what we call game). Your opinion of no maximizing looks, style, lifestyle is also wrong, if you maximize those things you will get more women, convert easier and better quality of women.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for replying late. I rarely check this blog.

      My point here wasn't that maximizing things don't help. Point was that beyond a certain point, once you have improved things a bit to the point where you aren't fucking ugly anymore and aren't a complete social retard, if you still aren't getting any, or are finding things too hard, then the problem likely isn't you, nor will improving things more yield substantially better results.

      Delete
  13. Johnny, a question, if you still check this blog. I'm of Indian descent, born and raised in Canada. Have most of the women you've been with been Indian? Did you have success with white women? If so, where/what types of places did you find you had the most success?

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    1. Eastern Europe - I have had success with cute white girls in regular bars, and clubs and stuff. Generally speaking, countries where lesser number of Indian people go to.

      Outside of Eastern Europe, the only real place I have had success with cute white girls are 1) dance lessons (especially at beginner to intermediate classes, where I am likely the best dancer, and it's a favorable ratio. Don't bother with advanced classes other than for pure learning) 2) Social circle. When I was in the US, I had a circle of a few cool guys which was very diverse - Latino, White and Asian. I would occasionally meet cute white girls through that forum. I have rarely had success in a regular bar or a club. Plus, I am not the person to put in too much effort. To me, if it ain't somewhat easy, it's not worth it. In those situations, I would rather focus on my own things.

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    2. Thanks for the response. How were your experience, besides girls, in eastern Europe (and which countries did you go to)? I've read about the skinhead/racism problems and that's the main deterrent for me going. If you would rather not discuss this here, I can give you my email). Thanks again.

      Delete
    3. I have been to quite a few places in Eastern Europe - Poland, Czech, Slovenia, Slovakia. Then some south eastern ones like Romania.

      Generally speaking, my experience and that of my Indian friends has been that if you go far east - Russia, Latvia, Lithuania - that is where you get a fair amount of racism. Poland, Hungary, the surrounding countries (Slovenia, Slovakia etc.), countries further south (Romania, Croatia etc.) are all fine.

      If you have Indian friends in London, they will be the best ones to advise you on this, since they get the maximum number of European people visiting. I have personally had the best experience with Polish girls :)

      Another suggestion is that no matter where you go, you will have the best experience in more alternative venues, and maybe smaller places than the big mainstream clubs in the capital city. This has been my experience across every country.

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  14. Does anyone here read http://wehuntedthemammoth.com? I find it very enlightening and its mostly about how PUA can sometimes interrelate with misogyny.

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  15. All I got to say is Pimpin' Aint Easy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlOF0Nvq77M

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  16. I'am glad to read the whole content of this blog and am very excited.Thank you.

    แตกใน xxx

    ReplyDelete